The Divorce Whisperer 10: Spotting Scammers (Part 2)
More on how to spot a scammer in less than five minutes
Last week I wrote about how to spot scammers on dating websites and apps. Here’s part 2:
Beyond what I mentioned last week, here are some other things to look for when evaluating a possible match on a dating website or app that are clues the person you’re chatting with is a scammer:
Their English is terrible. Even those with a foreign connection claim to have lived in the US for many years, have an advanced degree or have supposedly studied here, yet have terrible English skills. Of course, there are those who use AI to chat. Those are so obvious it’s kind of funny. Stilted and long-winded, then suddenly a couple of sentences that are in horrible English. They usually have a canned response when you say “Tell me about yourself,” and it’s just… weird.
Common expressions:
“Dear.” They call you “dear” right away. Seriously, do any American men call women “dear?” Also they use a lot of emojis. The men I’m looking at meeting are (supposedly) in their 60’s and really? Men in their 60’s using emojis? Doesn’t seem likely.
“God fearing.” I still haven’t figured out what this means. But they are God-fearing and/or are looking for a “God fearing” woman. A few will tell you they “have their Christian faith to credit for” their “life, attitude and success.” But they “don’t use the name of God to attract women.” I have seen this exact quote over and over. What does that even mean? How does using the name of God attract women? Maybe I’m missing something..
“Honesty.” They all talk about valuing honesty. They’re honest; they want an honest woman. How ironic!
“Cuddle.” Their interests usually include cuddling on the sofa watching TV. Does ANYONE say “heh, let’s cuddle on the sofa tonight and watch TV?” No, they say “heh, let’s Netflix and chill.” This expression is - in my opinion - a dead giveaway.
They want to move off-platform. The biggest red flag is when they want to get to know you better, but they “hardly ever come onto the dating website,” or are “too busy” to come onto the website. Or their job doesn’t allow them to do so. HUH? I actually had one guy tell me he had a very high security clearance, so couldn’t use the Plenty of Fish app, but could use gmail? Umm, I actually HAVE a security clearance and this is hogwash.
So they ask you to give them your phone number. They ask you to move to Google Hangout (which I don’t think even exists anymore and requires you to give them your email), or WhatsApp (which very few people in the U.S. use unless they’ve lived or traveled extensively overseas). If they want to move off-platform it’s because they don’t want the website or app to get flagged with certain activities. And it’s easier for them to keep track of which “mark” they’re working on. They often have multiple email addresses, which all seem to end in a long string of numbers. Plus they can sell your phone number and/or email for spam marketing. All the dating websites warn against moving off-platform - and rightly so!
Last, but not least, they NEVER want to meet in person. They want to get to know you better via text, phone, sharing photos, etc. so they know if you’re compatible enough to have coffee with you. (REALLY? You want to meet your soul mate, but aren’t willing to give up an hour to have coffee with a potential soul mate?) They’re “traveling” or working someplace else. They’re really interested in knowing you better, but try to pin them down for a coffee date and it’s a huge pile of “nope.” Or they agree to meet and then find an excuse at the last minute why they can’t - they have to go out of town urgently because of work is a big favorite.
What can you do? Well, first of all be discreet in your own profile. Use a pseudonym and never, ever use your full real name (first names are OK). Do NOT give out your email or phone number. Obviously do not give them any financial information. Be careful about your children’s names/ages. Be a bit vague about where you live (I always say “Northern Virginia”). Just don’t tell them anything you wouldn’t want published on the front page of the Washington Post or the NY Times or handed over to another scammer/spammer.
I recommend you don’t use a photo that is traceable to your Facebook or Instagram or TikTok account. And I hope you have very high settings on those social media sites. Before you put up a photo, do a Google search on it to see if it traces back to any website where your name and other information is listed (don’t forget LinkedIn).
Next, if you suspect a scammer, report them to the app/website. Then block them. Move on to someone else. After all, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, right? Good luck to all of you. And may the odds forever be in your favor. Just be careful out there. (Insert whatever cliche is your favorite here.)
I was told this as a teenager. But I wasn't all that interested in fishing after all.
I love your fish!