The Divorce Whisperer 14: I got my name changed back.

When he said "At least I gave you a name," I knew what I had to do.

I hated my last name growing up. No one could spell it; no one could pronounce it. It means “onions” in my grandfather’s native language. I couldn’t wait to change it.

When I married my first husband in 1975 (yes, I had a “starter” marriage; yes, I was a child bride - just turned 20!), I gleefully changed my name to his WASPy last name (Mc———). Very easy to spell and pronounce for Americans. Of course, then we moved to Puerto Rico where no one could pronounce my new last name because the letters M and C don’t go together in Spanish. Sigh. Oddly enough, those who speak Spanish can very easily pronounce my maiden name. Sigh again.

After my first divorce, I kept my married name because I was used to it; all my documents and accounts were in that name; and it seemed like a hassle to change it back to my maiden name. But when I married my wasband, he insisted I get rid of that last name because, “Why would you want to be reminded of that asshole?” So I did. And yes, it was a hassle. But I was in love and so proud to be marrying this man. Also, living in Latin America (wasband is from Central America), it was - once again - easier for people to spell and pronounce. So by age 36, I was on my third last name.

Initially I decided I would not change my last name when I divorced wasband, since my children carry their father’s last name and everyone knew me with that last name, both personally and professionally. But then during one conversation during our break-up, wasband said to me “at least I gave you a name,” and I just lost it. I thought to myself “you can keep your god damn name,” and contacted my attorney to find out how to change my name back to my maiden name.

It turned out since I hadn’t included it in the original divorce filings, I had to do the process myself, which turned out to be incredibly easy. I paid $36 to the County Clerk, indicated what I wanted my new last name to be, certify that I wasn’t trying to fool anyone or commit fraud and bingo, within two weeks I was back to my birth name. I celebrated:

(The fact that the group is the “Pistol Annies” is just the icing on the cake.)

Of course, then the hassles started. But with time and patience, I have gradually changed my name back everywhere it matters. Here’s the order of who I contacted to get my old identity back:

1. Requested lots of certified copies of the Court Order

2. Contacted Social Security Administration with original, certified copy of the Name Change Order and got my new SS card in the mail.

3. Set up an appointment with the DMV to get a new driver’s license (BTW, I am grinning from ear to ear in the photo…)

4. Sent in my most recent passport, an application for a new passport and a certified copy of the Name Change Order and got a new passport.

5. With these new IDs, contacted my financial institutions to have my name changed (some required a certified copy of the Court Orders; some just the new SS card and/or new driver’s license).

6. Contacted all my frequent flyer (airline) and frequent sleeper (hotel) accounts and provided what they asked for - either the Court Order or just a copy of my new ID.

7. Created a new yahoo and a new gmail account with my new name incorporated; and I’ve gradually been moving away from the old accounts with the old name.

8. Contacted the institution that provides me with my annuity and had them change my name.

I continue to play “catch up” with organizations (my medical and dental insurance carrier STILL hasn’t changed my name, but that’s another complicated story), but as time goes by my old last name is further and further away. And oddly enough, I have only mistakenly used (or started to sign) my old last name a few times. I carried that last name for 32 years, yet within a month, I was back to my childhood name.

Since changing back to my maiden name, I have been contacted on Facebook by my best friend from middle school, and some cousins I didn’t know I had! They knew my maiden name, but not the name I had for three decades. It has been a blessing. And I will never change my name again!