The Divorce Whisperer 9: Spotting Scammers (Part 1)
They're EVERYWHERE! But here's how to spot a scammer within minutes
Last week I talked about dating sites, today I’m going to tell you how to spot scammers and fake profiles without wasting your time.
So, you’re on a dating website or app and you see someone you’re attracted to. How do you know if they’re real or not? I have spent waaay too much time on dating sites and at this point, I can spot the scammers a mile away. Here’s what to look for.
First of all, I’m sorry to say if they seem too good to be true, they probably are. The professional headshots. The good looking guy holding up a glass of wine or in an exotic place. The one who looks like a model. (HINT: It’s probably a model’s photo, but the person behind it is no model.) I ALWAYS do a Google image search on each profile pictures to see if there’s a hit. Often - but not always - the images belong to someone else or have been reported on a website dedicated to reporting on scammers. Of course, if a guy is holding up a fish in his profile picture, you have a 50/50 chance that he’s real. Or if it’s obvious they’ve cut someone (female) out of the picture, he’s probably real. There is that.
Next, they are almost always widowers and their wives died of cancer (breast cancer is a favorite) or in an auto accident or in other tragic circumstances. This is to avoid discussion of a divorce and to elicit sympathy. They usually have also lost their child/ren, or the kids go to boarding school for no apparent reason. Again, to elicit sympathy. Also, for some reason many are “Catholic.” I haven’t figured that one out yet. But they’re nearly all Christians.
Profession? Oh, they love the ones that can’t be pinned down and are often “independent contractors” or self-employed. Lots and lots of engineers of some sort. The occasional “orthopedic doctor” or “doctor surgeon” and of course, they don’t practice at a specific hospital. Many are “on contract” with the UN in a war-torn area such as Ukraine or Yemen (YEMEN???) My favorite was a “secret nuclear engineer.” Some are gemologists. A lot work on oil rigs. A few are military (usually very high ranking, although not always). But none of them have an actual employer. It’s too easy to track them down if they say they work at a company.
Also, they ALWAYS travel a lot if they’re not already someplace other than where they claim to be in their profile, e.g. their profile says they live in Washington DC, but they’re “currently” working in the Gulf of Mexico or Scotland or saving lives in a war zone or someplace overseas. If you object to the distance, they will tell you that “distance is no barrier to true love.” I mean, come on, can you really love someone you’ve never met? I guess if your goal is to scam someone out of money (or a plane ticket or a green card), then “long-distance love” is possible. In Spanish they say “Amor de lejos es amor de pendejos” which means (more or less) “Long-distance love is bullshit.” So yeah, I’m not buying that line.
The foreign connection. They’re nearly always born overseas; or born in the States and moved overseas when they were kids. That will explain the accent when you finally agree to talk on the phone with them. They can’t always tell you how they managed to move to the United States from Malta or Germany or Italy or wherever they claim to be from (it’s almost ALWAYS Europe). Sometimes one of their parents was a US citizen; sometimes their dead wife was an American citizen. (NOTE: I did go out - once - with a guy who was in fact born in Europe and came here as a student and was sponsored for a job/green card, so not ALL foreign connections are fakes.)
Another dead give-away is they have a gazillion interests; they’ve basically taken every “romantic” activity they can think of, or previous victims have told them they love to do. One favorite is walking on the beach hand in hand, feeling the sand on their feet because the ocean “keeps them grounded.” They like "the cinema.” They enjoy cooking, snuggling, all kinds of music, etc., etc. Literally they like everything and anything. Cast a wide net, you know… It’s as if the catfish are fishing for YOU, because they are.
“Hello, dear! I’m looking for my soulmate! Let’s get to know each other better”
But those are just a few of the things to look for. Come back next week for more clues on how to spot a scammer.
Man, it’s rough out there. You are providing crucial information!