Living alone has its own rewards, and drawbacks. Overall, I love my solitude.
When I walked out of my 31-year marriage, I hadn’t lived alone for decades. I was 33 when my wasband and I started living together; I was 66 when we separated (I’m pushing 70 now). At first I was terrified to be alone (my kids moved out a while ago) and was afraid to be lonely. But I have come to relish living alone again. I am by nature an extrovert, but there is something so sweet about the peace and quiet that comes from not sharing living space with anyone else. If I want company, I reach out to a friend or a family member. I have control over how much and how often I share my time and with whom. Not so easy if you live with someone else.
Being alone does not equal being lonely. When I was married, I was often lonely in the context of said marriage. Luckily, I had my career and my “peeps” so I was able to find what I needed to keep my spirit (mostly) alive outside of the confines of the relationship with wasband. But oh, there were times when I thought I was the only one in my marriage who could understand me - and I was right. And it made me sadder than I knew.
Now that I am truly “alone,” it amazes me to look back and see how miserable I was; how lonely I was. My life is much richer now that I’m “alone.” But some people don’t feel fulfilled and/or are unhappy if they’re not in a relationship. No judgement on my part. I get my energy from a large circle of friends and family. Some people only need one person to feel right.
Which brings us back to dating. To date or not to date, that is the question. I wrote about dating here: Back in the Dating Pool and how to spot scammers on dating sites here: Spotting Scammers 1 and here: Spotting Scammers 2. Recently I wrote about feeling kinda “meh” and tying in that feeling to a number of things including how depressing dating apps can be and swore off said dating apps: Even Cowgirls Get the Blues.
Unfortunately, my desire to meet someone new as opposed to remaining footloose and fancy free is about as reliable as a McDonald’s ice cream machine. My opinion changes from day to day; sometimes it changes from minute to minute.
But one thing I have found (thanks to all those fancy algorithms on social media) is a lot of women out there who are going through the same thing. And there is some excellent advice about how to navigate dating websites/apps. If you want some advice, there’s lots of it out there. If you want someone to hear/see you and know what you’re going through, they’re out there too.
My absolute favorite is Jenny Young, who has a Facebook page (found here - and you have to ask to join) and writes a Substack (found here) about her “Burned Haystack Dating Method.” She is the best. Basically she teaches women that in order to find the needle in the haystack, you have to burn down the haystack. This is done by immediately blocking (not just swiping) on people who you are not interested in. It cuts WAY back on the people you’re seeing, but should leave you with only people that are worthwhile. Her insights are, well, insightful!
Then there is always the comic relief: Facebook Video and Schitt's Creek Video
And inspiration: IG Strong Women
So, if you’re looking for like-minded folks who are also confused/fed-up/anxious, you can find them easily on social media. If you want to date, there’s lots of advice about how to find the right person.
Whatever you decide - to be alone or not - I hope that you find peace and contentment. Because really, everyone deserves to be happy. Even my wasband.
Musical Interlude:
Nailed it, as usual!
Brava!