Wine & Whine 5: Today, I Mourn the Loss of a Friend...

... because of politics. I definitely need some wine.

I was raised in a strict, Catholic, military, conservative Republican family. That is not who I am today. I have changed and I am unapologetic about my politics. Today it cost me a friend.

When my phone rang this morning and I saw the caller ID, I immediately lit up - yeah! I haven’t talked to this friend in a very long time and was thinking about them recently as I started to draw up a guest list for my upcoming birthday. Would they drive up to attend? They live a few hours away, but they have made the trip for other special occasions. I was excited to see what was new with them and their family. We’ve been friends since 1986 and our lives have been (and are) closely aligned for decades.

Imagine my surprise when they sounded serious and started out with “I don’t want you to feel hurt, but I have to tell you something.” They went on to tell me that they had defriended me on Facebook (“I don’t know if you noticed or not…”) because of a political posting I had made. They proceeded to read it back to me in a solemn voice and said that I shouldn’t have posted it since it was offensive to my conservative friends.

I tried to explain myself, and they cut me off with “I don’t want to talk about politics.” I pointed out that they could have stopped following me, or even “muted” me for a month if they didn’t want to see my political postings and we could have remained friends. Apparently they didn’t want to do that. Yet they felt that I “deserved” to know why they had defriended me.

They went on to say that they would never post something that would offend any of their liberal friends, and that if I wanted to discuss politics “on an intellectual level,” that was fine (just not now). They asked what was the point in posting what I did because I was never going to convince people to change their minds if they were already a “MAGAt.” I said I wasn’t going to stop posting my political views just because some people disagree and I said it wasn’t aimed at them. They said they weren’t asking me to stop posting, just to be more considerate. But weren’t they in fact doing just that? Trying to shame me into not posting what they were offended by?

They ended the conversation by saying “I love you” and I choked out a “love you too.” But honestly? How can I love someone who believes in a political philosophy that goes against everything I believe in? And who then “defriends” me and calls me to chastise me for posting what I believe in instead of scrolling on by? instead of muting me or unfollowing me so my “offensive” postings wouldn’t show up in their feed? This person is married to an immigrant (legal); they claim they have at least one family member who’s gay and that one of their best friends is a Muslim, all of which begs the question: If so, how can you support someone who despises those people (you claim to love) just for existing?

This is what this country has come to: a division so deep that friendships of nearly 40 years are destroyed. In my adult life, I have voted for both Republicans and Democrats (although strictly Democrats since 2008). And if my candidate didn’t win, I wasn’t devastated. I knew that the other party had the best interests of this country in mind - even if I didn’t agree with how to achieve those interests. That all changed in 2016.

Since Trump came on the scene, I have become more and more frightened by where he wants to lead this country. I was appalled at how he let a million Americans die of COVID due to his mishandling of and lies about the pandemic. I was shocked at how he embarrassed our country in the international stage; how he cozied up to our enemies; the blatant nepotism. His malignant narcissism affecting everything in our daily lives. His ATTEMPT TO OVERTHROW our free and peaceful elections!!!

A second term would be ruinous. Project 2025 is the blueprint for what he and his advisors want. At the very least, what his advisors want. All Trump wants is the power to be the President and to stay out of jail. He would probably just sit back and let them run the show while he held rallies and traveled around the world, pushing other countries’ leaders aside and seeing how he can make money for himself and his children. That’s basically what he did in his first term.

I truly believe if he wins again, Trump would destroy our democracy - he started the process last time. His plans for the future are designed to make him an autocrat like his heroes Erdogan and Putin. To give himself total control. The GOP is - by and large - too afraid of him to speak up and the MAGA movement has silenced the mainstream Republicans in public life. Some are starting to speak up, but is it too late?

I’m so sad. I’m so angry. I am so afraid. I lost a friend because of something that should never have happened - the stark division of “us” against “them.” We’ve been through so much together and one man came between us - a malignant narcissist who only cares for himself.

I can’t even think of a meme or a musical interlude to accompany these thoughts. It is a very sad day for me.

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash