The Divorce Whisperer Special Edition: V-Day

How to handle the made-up holiday centering around romantic love.

Ugh. Who doesn’t hate Valentine’s Day when they don’t have a Valentine with whom to celebrate? We all know the societal pressure associated with this day. How do we get past it when we’re single?

It’s hard not to remember (hopefully) at least SOME past Valentine’s Day(s) filled with flowers and chocolates and dinners out and expressions of never-ending love. If you find yourself alone on Valentine’s Day, it can be rough. But it doesn’t have to be.

I’m gonna tell you (and yes, I know this is immensely corny) that YOU are your own Valentine. You can celebrate yourself and your loveableness (not a word, I know) without having to be externally validated by anyone - even a romantic partner. True happiness comes from within. Self-love is a prerequisite to happiness.

Who hasn’t heard the Miley Cyrus song “I Can Buy Myself Flowers”? I have embraced that as my personal anthem, along with other songs like “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor and “Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran; Las Mujeres Facturan” by Shakira (meaning, roughly “Women don’t cry anymore; they make the money.”)

Recently I even purchased this handbag to help me remind myself of my own worth and my own power:

I will use this with pride. (Also, going back to my previous substack, this is doing something nice for myself. Read that one here)

So buy yourself flowers; order in something delicious for dinner (if you can’t abide the thought of going out and seeing all those seemingly happy couples); put on the perfume; take the bubble bath; dress up in the lingerie; eat off the fancy dishes. Celebrate YOU!!!

And who says you have to have a romantic Valentine? In Latin America, February 14 is called “El Dia de Amor y Amistad,” which means the Day of Love and Friendship. Celebrate your friends - gal pals, or the men in your lives who are there for you. Celebrate your family - kids (if you have them); siblings; nieces and nephews. Love comes to us from all over. Value your relationships with the people who matter and who care for you.

My plans are to have wine and cheese with a friend who is going through a divorce. I will let her vent if she wants, but hope that we will celebrate the good things in life - our friendship, our lives beyond the wasbands (we both have houses we love and social lives that keep us busy and happy), and the freedom to be our authentic selves.

Valentine’s Day is one gosh darn day out of 365 (or 366 this year). It will be over soon. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. Know you are loved by many and most of all, you are loved by you.

Musical interlude: