The Divorce Whisperer 20: The Myth of the "Golden Parachute"

Why do some men think women divorce them so they can "cash in" on marital assets?

Well, it happened again. I’m a repeat offender… Another Facebook posting with an article where a woman is asking advice when her husband claims he will “flush the money down the toilet” rather than giving his soon-to-be-ex-wife her 50% of the martial assets. Another argument with misogynists.

The article quoted a woman who apparently was leaving an abusive relationship. I felt sorry for her, but the men on this page immediately decided she was trying to rip off a man’s hard-earned dollars and didn’t deserve a penny. Here are some actual quotes from some men (of course) on the thread (I added the italics/emphasis):

“Providing a financial incentive to divorce is a terrible business model for a successful marriage. Best to keep Government/Church out of marriage so that there is an incentive to work through the tough time vs taking the ‘Golden Parachute’ and calling it quits.” [His quotation marks, not mine; emphasis added.]

“I simply can’t imagine entering into a ‘contractual’ agreement with someone with the attitude that they are ‘entitled’ to half of what I have earned with ‘alimony.’ I suspect that it would be challenging to respect your spouse if you knew you had that kind of legal leverage…”

“… it’s actually easier to separate from a toxic individual when you don’t have to litigate in order to separate. Thus everyone leaves with what they contributed to the marriage vs stealing what someone else has earned.” [Emphasis added.]

Different guy:

“The ease with which marriage can be ended hurts both the two individuals, almost always forces the kids into some degree of fatherlessness, and costs society as a whole. Besides this woman should think about all she can buy with money saved from lawyer fees if she sticks it out.” [Emphasis added.] And then a winky face.

WTAF?

These men pointed out that they know of “high earning men” who got divorced and then “lost” half of their IRAs/401(k)s/investments. And they seem to think the women went out and lived the high life on their “huge” cash-out/Golden Parachute along with alimony. There ensued a discussion about the prevalence of divorce in states where alimony is optional/permanent versus states where there is no alimony. The men seemed to believe that in a state where there is no alimony, there are fewer divorces because fewer women are choosing to “cash out.”

And guess what? There is ABSOLUTELY no correlation between divorce rates and alimony payments. (I know; I did the research).

No one profits from a divorce (except maybe the divorce lawyers). In pretty much all cases of divorce, both parties end up in a less desirable financial status. Two households are more expensive to run than one. Staying in a marriage and working things out because of money seems kinda sick to me. Is it always about money with men? Does more money = happiness?

I googled “Why do women get divorced” and found that - SURPRISE - “stealing half of my spouse’s retirement accounts/making money and receiving alimony and/or child support” was not one of the top reasons. It wasn’t even on the list:

Oddly enough, only the MEN in the discussion felt that women were “stealing” or didn’t deserve 50% of the marital assets - and most of these men had been in earlier discussions about why women should stay home and “do their duty” and bear children. (Yes, y’all, these men walk among us; see my previous posting, The Divorce Whisperer 17: WTAF Men?)

It’s important to remember that a woman contributes to the marriage the same as a man (often more, TBH), whether it’s with her salary (or other outside income) or through her labor as a homemaker/mother - and usually it’s both, since many women work outside of the home and are still the primary person taking care of the home and children. And sometimes aging parents as well.

It’s a shock that there are even today there are people who believe a woman should be shucked off when she’s too old and she’s raised the kids, or the man decides he wants to move on (mid-life crisis), or she should be kept as chattel or punished financially if she decides to walk.

Divorce is painful enough, whether we’re the one who walks out or we’re the one who is walked out on. Finances are unfortunately a part of the decision-making process. It is a shame it has to be that way, but I’ve never heard of someone getting a divorce so they can “cash in.” Puleez.

Musical interlude (HA HA HA):